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Advisor Automates Birthday Emails, Wishes Deceased Client Many Happy Returns
The email expressed hope that the coming year would be his "best one yet."
Sep 14
•
Matt Haze
August 2026
Advisor Certain The Podcast He's Launching Will Set Him Apart From The 40,000 Other Advisor Podcasts
Episode one is a 74-minute conversation covering the basics of investing and the one time he met Bill Murray.
Aug 31
•
Matt Haze
Advisor Who Built Entire Practice On Schwab Referrals Told His Clients Are Now Too Poor To Exist
Under the new $5 million threshold, the advisor himself would not qualify to have been referred to himself.
Aug 28
•
Matt Haze
Nvidia Q2 Earnings Call Just Tells Everyone to “Go Buy The Boat, We Got You”
"Utilize the power of AI and our chips to generate a boat name that will make your friends laugh," said the CEO, concluding guidance.
Aug 27
•
Matt Haze
2
BREAKING NEWS: Advisor Throws Nvidia Earnings Call Party For Clients To Demonstrate How Much Money He Is Making Them
Snacks and boxed wine are planned to be provided. The advisor does not control whether the numbers are good or not.
Aug 26
•
Matt Haze
Client Who Wanted "Aggressive Growth" In January Now Wants "Whatever's Safe"
The market is down 1% this week. The client's time horizon, previously thirty years, is now understood to be Friday.
Aug 26
•
Matt Haze
1
Advisor Asks AI To Summarize 47-Page Financial Plan, Client Asks AI To Summarize The Summary
The plan is now four words long and doesn't include any numbers.
Aug 24
•
Matt Haze
1
Advisor Advises Against Withdrawal, Citing Mercury In Retrograde
"I'm not comfortable moving money when communication planets are compromised," said advisor managing $240 million.
Aug 17
•
Matt Haze
July 2026
Advisor Asks Client "How Are The Kids?" Using Names Of Different Client's Kids
"Tell me, is Aubrey still doing the horseback riding?" said advisor to a man with only a grown son.
Jul 24
•
Matt Haze
Client Forwards Advisor A Yahoo! Finance Article Like They've Never Seen It Before
The article, titled "Is A Recession Coming?", was published in 2019, 2020, 2022, 2023, and again this morning.
Jul 22
•
Matt Haze
1
Advisor Perfects Delivery Of Funny Story In Front Of Mirror, Determined Clients Will Like Him More From It
"The key is you can't rush the part where the waiter comes back," said advisor, rehearsing for an upcoming review meeting.
Jul 20
•
Matt Haze
2
Advisor Orders Extra Bouncy House For Client Appreciation Party, Believes It Will Bring In $20 Million In AUM
"Just like the market, people remember a good bounce," said advisor who has never once been asked about a bouncy house by a prospect.
Jul 6
•
Matt Haze
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