Compliance Officer Retires After 30 Years Of Saying "No"

Departs after a career saying no to 14,682 social media posts, 3,847 seminar ideas, and one request to do literally anything fun.

Director of Compliance Gary Pruett, 64, spent his final day rejecting a retirement cake on the grounds that "celebratory food creates the appearance of a gift." Reached at home on Tuesday, Pruett declined to be photographed, declined to comment, and declined the interview itself. "He said no to his own party," a colleague said. "He wouldn't have wanted it any other way."